If She...

If she tells what you can and cannot do
If she tells you where you can and cannot go
If she tells you who you can and cannot be friends with
If she checks your phone messages
If she inspects your facebook/twitter
If she needs to know what you're doing every second
If she calls you a hundred times if you don't reply
If she becomes insanely jealous over every woman
If she makes paranoid assumptions
If she doesn't hold a door open for you
If she hates the stuff you're into
If she blackmails you
If she embarrasses you in public
If she hates your friends
If she tries you make you jealous
If she keeps saying "it's nothing" because she expects you to be a mind-reader
If she says "Fine!"
If she can't take criticism
If she can't take a joke
If she already knows the answer she wants when she asks you something
If she expects things you can't afford
If she acts like going out with her is a privilege you should be grateful for
If she tries to change you because she's embarrassed
If she doesn't offer to pay
If she won't share her meal
If she breaks your stuff
If she's acting like you're married when you've been together months
If she needs constant attention
If she imposes her likes and dislikes on you
If she doesn't respect your personal time and/or space
If she lies to you
If she tests you


Dump her. NOW. And don't look back.

If she walks like bitch, talks like a bitch, she's a bitch. And she's not worth it.

When in doubt, do the door test (with an old car)

 You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in: dump her.  

Just like that?  

 Listen to me, kid. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she's a selfish broad and all you're seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast.